Alright, thanks to Amazon messing up the internet for all of us, I can’t get ahead of my academic work at 7am. My intent to write is drained since I’ve written at least a third of my current word count within the last 7-8 days. So, I’ll just write about each one of my works instead.
Fear of Social Interactions is not my first work that I published online but I’ll still refer to it as such. Its precursor inspired it since it had the same concept but was a poem that I uploaded to a game forum. My current writing style is completely different compared to this first work since it evolved and now incorporates the creative elements of a poem. It is the initial benchmark of my writing.
When I first wrote “The complexities…”, I somewhat forced myself to before since I wanted to write but didn’t have the drive to actually write. It’s an interesting one since it’s full of my educated guesses about strangers interacting with each other– based on what I’ve actually witnessed so it’s easy for those guesses to be wrong. After all, I may observe but I would be blind if I thought I observed everything. This one amongst other pieces is one in which I projected myself.
“Why do I write” is the first of my finer works, since I’ve almost exclusively used my second tone and spent time thinking it out. There’s more for me to add since I did write some additions in later parts but I’ll leave it alone since time changes everything, surely my answers to this question will be different by the time I graduate. It is a representation of my ideals and serves as an answer for myself.
“My love…” is a work that I think is an understatement of what I actually feel since I once again feel the contradiction of wanting to be a stranger to people but to also be with people. It’s perhaps one of the most honest works I’ve written since I didn’t have to filter or engage in self-censorship. Its authenticity puts a smile on my face. I’d say that I’ve let my mask fall off for a bit in this piece.
“…my flaws” is a bit self-explanatory but sure. I treated it as a way to diagnose any possible mental issues or flaws that I have and to directly address. It addresses an issue that stemmed from a single mistake, a mistake that may not be a mistake by next year. Thankfully these “issues” that I do have can’t be considered as an issue in a traditional sense. This is proof that I am far from perfect and to serve as an introspective lens.
“The intricacies..” sounds like a clickbait title which explains why it has more views than some of my pieces. I admit, that may have been on purpose since it’s really my view on friendship– not other people’s. That title would be more suitable for “The complexities..”.
Anyways, I think that view still remains since nothing’s really changed. It’s a pragmatic way of thought but is a bit contradictory since I do want a solid friendship rather than a fair-weather friendship– that’s just a traitor not reaching their critical point.
This piece also clarifies that while my writing could result in a different impression of me, my writing and my actual self are distinct since my writing contains all three phases of me while I only exhibit a single aspect in reality– the present. If people were to form assumptions based on my writing, my identity would probably become more hidden since they’d be looking for a completely different person. This is yet another denial of any virtues enshrined within my writing to avoid a dissonance.
“Life of vertical ethics” is a unique one since it began with my ramblings, transitioned to elevated speech and then repeated that once before finishing. I still feel like I’m burnt from my expectations with the potential crispiness of toast depending on my future.
I essentially attacked myself and created my own defense before I started to write about some stuff that I noticed and thought that it should be addressed. For the miscommunication trope, I want to expand its scope to life, not just romance since it’d make my life easier and would let me observe more about people.
And then I go off on a tangent akin to “My love..” before slapping myself with reality and becoming a motivational speaker for the remainder of that piece. I want to fold my spine sometimes when I think about the amount of mistakes that I‘ve made since I’m the type of person who gets hit with better ideas after I do something that I can’t undo. Plus my lack of emotional restraint and self-control in the past– I’ve become mellowed from my past. It’s a good example of the Taoism philosophy I mentioned in “Ego and Death”.
“A curse” is a flagged piece so I won’t publish it, but I can still write about it. I essentially channeled anger for this piece and turned up my second tone to a biblical level since it was described as much. Although it’s a beautiful piece, perhaps with better wording than my other works– I won’t publish it due to its ability to be easily misunderstood.
From this, I learnt that I should balance my writing which is why in “Chains of Liberation”, you can see that the Judiciary is mentioned in both a positive and negative light. While I could extinguish that light, I don’t mind since it’s worth having. This is a manifestation of my rancor– one born from a creativity that I still admire.
“Writing Style” is literally about my writing style. It goes into detail about the mannerisms of both of my styles and deals with an advertisement problem since in the past I used to visit people’s stories to provoke their curiosity to drag them to my page.
In the end, I decided to stop that entirely since I don’t want to compromise my ethics due to a lack of attention, especially since it seems that there is only one predominant gender in my recommended list– unfortunately I can’t turn it off.
I also wrote an addition to “Why do I write?” in this piece, addressed a new fault of mine that I realized, wrote about the connection between our mind and body, and also spoke about the negative effects of using clankers to help yourself. It’s similar to “Mid-break” in a way since it’s just me rambling since I need to write but don’t have any actual topic to write about. Alright, I’m on stage 2 of the addiction checklist, I finally passed the denial stage. This piece is one that gives depth to the way I write.
“Refinement of Hatred” is essentially me expressing it in a way that wouldn’t get me cancelled. While my words in it remain as the truth, I’ve always been a D1 hater– after all I love for free so why can’t I hate for free? It’s the luxury of a poor man considering that I get happy when others mildly suffer in life, a twisted desire that I have no intention of fixing. It’s a feature at this point since I have the pettiness and persistence to back it up.
But this is ultimately a juvenile one in its nature– a hatred that lacks hate and serves as an entertainment, one that both parties enjoy. While it’s fun, I’d rather hate the more serious things in life and dedicate this energy to fixing it– to move on from my youth and to partake in my obligations.
I can’t even deny the unc allegations, I’ve become chill since ragebait isn’t ragebaiting and my heart is now numb. It’s ultimately a showcase of growth as there are much more worthy concepts to hate in this world than there are people– “Hate the sin, not the sinner.”
“Death’s Gravity…” lowkey is a shit title, I should’ve gone with a simpler one ffs. Is this a sign of 8th grader syndrome? Anyways, I’ve used the concept of “hard and soft” and then directly tied to death and engaged in some self-censorship to not be too harsh.
People lack thick skin and as such, I have to accommodate their flaws– people should be overestimated, not underestimated unless you have a desire to cough blood out of frustration.
If you overestimate people, the worst-case scenario is that your plans didn’t work because you expected more from them. The worst-case scenario for underestimating people is when they use your complacency to beat you. This piece marked the beginning of my pieces that mentioned death and have made me take a more somber attitude while writing.
It is a work inspired by Hope Squad as I find myself in agreement with their vision. It’d be a better question to ask who is against their existence. For this is to shed light on the fragility of our mental landscapes.
“Ego and Death” turns death into a transformative device with the past years of my life being used to convey this. It’s essentially my timeline of at least five years with a word count of 2.4k– becoming the first piece that couldn’t be completed within a single post. This work showed an increase in quality that carried over to the works after this one. In all of the pieces I’ve written until now, I can say that this piece reveals the most about me mentally.
I’ve split my life into phases and marked their ends with death– crystallizing the parts of me that still remained and turned them into echoes. The fatal flaw of my current iteration is its Purity– a virtue that has become a vice of sorts. In this, I lay out my life.
“Mid-break” is most similar to this piece since its original intent and my intent for this piece matches. The key difference is that I left Mid-break incomplete and when I finally started to finish it, my original intent was changed by this sorrowful intent– an intent that wishes for everyone but themselves.
This isn’t depression but acceptance– but it’s not like I’ll give up. I’ll just continue to do things my own way. Originally, I wrote “Mid-break” to just pass some time but then I took a break and I was still influenced from writing my more recent works– thus changing my intent. It serves as an example of my whimsical nature.
“Churchill” is a passionate work that channels injustice and portrays a certain class of people as a hindrance to humanity. It’s a work that is representative of my anger, then again all of my works represent me in some capacity– it’s just that I haven’t dulled this anger.
This work was my first work to have included historical references. I’ve adopted a sort of hatred towards numbers in this piece, with a particular focus on the men who focus on those numbers and condemn others to starvation and poverty. This is the first flag that I raise– a flag against the rich.
“Chains of Liberation”’ was originally written to prepare for something so I only decided to focus on a negative interpretation of how the Constitution was interpreted by the Judiciary– a feat that wasn’t difficult thanks to a couple of controversies and a tad bit of favoritism given towards he who shan’t be named.
Unfortunately due to special circumstances, my preparation was useless so I decided to write a positive interpretation that I quite liked. While I could’ve used another paragraph to tie both negative and positive together, I wanted to write other works and didn’t actually think about doing so until after publishing it. This showcases the corruption of man’s own words, thus becoming the second flag that I raise– a flag against corruption.
“Lament” is a tribute– a tribute to fallen men, to an era long gone, to myself. There is only loss and mourning to be found. The same feelings that ignited a flame of passion to write it all within a day. The first part is dedicated to man itself– to humanity. The second part is dedicated to my nation– America. The third part is dedicated to my race– the African Americans. The last is one for myself– to my distinctions.
Something that I neglected to add was a tragic type of love– since it in itself is one whose existence only ends in loss, a love that should be lamented. It’s not related to any of my romantic experiences since I have none to begin with.
I’ve used more historical references. If you’re wondering about the Nuremberg trials part, search up Operation Paperclip– a CIA operation that extracted war criminals and allowed them to integrate into the structure of the US. If I had a nickel for every time that I mentioned Nuremberg, I would have two which isn’t a lot but it’s still odd. This is a banner that I shall carry for the rest of my days– until I too am assimilated by this banner of death.
And we’ve reached the finale with “Looking back”, this current piece that I’ve used to look back at all of the pieces that I’ve written before. I originally didn’t expect that I would write so much and thought of it as a way to blow off time. In all of my pieces, there are only 5 hints that could help uncover my identity, far less than what I assumed since I thought I would self-sabotage myself by now.
The best part is that it’s hidden within this sea of 32,000+ words. A pity that it seems both close confidants and strangers alike hold a similarity– the emotion behind each piece, imbued in every word. But that is only human nature– a nature that I accept for I too am faulted.
For there is no need to attribute actions to malice when a justification of incompetence or ignorance is enough to suffice with– yet we are fools who perceive a single act as a hostility. Sigh, a nature that I grow weary of– for this nature truly has no limits, having the potential to drown my flame or to embolden it– a nature that I only reciprocate, not initiate.
01-Fear of Social Interactions 02-The complexities behind interacting with strangers 03-Why do I write 04-My love for people and interacting with them 05-Pondering on my flaws 06-The intricacies of friendship 07-Life of Vertical Ethics. 08-Writing Style 09-Refinement of Hatred 10-Vulnerable. Death’s gravity. 11-Ego and Death 13-Mid-Break 18-Churchwill 12-Chains of Liberation 14-Lament