Originally, I sought to integrate my feelings about the past with “Refinement…” as a reference. It seems that I still have a few lingering contradictions to resolve. But, I cannot address this without defining it.
Attention– our reaction to the presence of another, be it in the form of emotions, a physical movement, or certain thoughts coming to mind. This object of our attention is scrutinized, every action of theirs garnering a reaction– a perpetual process as the relationship between the object and observer are subjective.
Unlike judgement, this process is one easily limited– by both internal and external factors. After all, if a person has no presence, then there will be no reaction– yet they may still linger in our minds.
This lack of knowledge may be purposeful, as we may choose to avert our eyes away from a person– this act being the final reaction. The saying of “Out of sight, out of mind” proves its wisdom in this case.
Attention is a power that is soft in nature– thus being bound to the same principles as its origin. As I previously wrote in “Judgement”, power has no innate morality– its morality is defined by the person wielding it.
The intent of this attention is defined by the result of our judgement– shaping it to be either benign or malicious. Our attention is the precursor and executor of this judgement. Our observations are tested against the basis of our judgement, expressed by our reaction.
This intent is decided on whether this person fits into our worldview– whether they align with our thoughts or not. While the middle ground of tolerance exists, it is a ground that is absent in the worldviews of some– those who lack moderation.
There are a few of us who believe themselves to be above such human needs– refusing such attention for themselves, forcing themselves into a paradox. As their attitude in itself is a falsehood, as it is a reaction to this perceived attention.
They seek to elevate themselves– to embellish their own image. In the end, their image is nothing but a mirage. A mirage with a destined ending– as their authentic reactions will only germinate with time’s onset, a reaction that will shatter this image. In their end, they have fallen below their station– as they are unable to emulate the virtues of another.
We do not carve out solitary existences– as our individuality is integrated in a collective. Attention serves as validation for our acts, as it is this process that ekes these memories into our minds. Thus, it is an essential component of our lives. Salmon cannot survive without water– humans can not survive without attention.
Attention is proof of our humanity– our ability to acknowledge beings other than ourselves. There are some of us who deign themselves by denying this acknowledgement– believing apathy to be a virtue when it is the enabler of sin. It is those who are intentionally negligent– refusing to give attention to their fellow humans.
Decades ago, we learnt of this as it was the common denominator of accused standing in the halls of Nuremberg. In the eyes of the condemned– the reflection of this indifference can be seen, an unwavering gaze.
If a man ignores the suffering of another– then they are complicit in that suffering. In this, I can find no compromise– as this indifference is the base in which apathy is formed. From this foundation– man loses its discernment, forgetting of the weight of their actions. They have no qualms about their blood-stained hands, as it has become natural to them– as they are free from the chains that bind us all the same, the chains of humanity.
There is a paradox that has made itself more relevant in recent years– the paradox of tolerance. As a tolerant society has the capacity to be destroyed by intolerant groups– as these groups are protected by the virtues that they seek to undermine.
There should be no tolerance for such groups– for if we do not vanquish us, then they shall vanquish us in turn. Yet this is the contradiction that gives rise to this paradox.
If man forfeits their empathy– then they are no longer fit to be recognized as human beings. For even the animals can distinguish between their own– yet these men cannot, their definition of human being far narrower than ours.
I am averse to attention– an instilled notion that serves a facet of the hatred that I mentioned in “Refinement…”. However, my words, actions, and feelings all contradict this notion. If I am to remedy this contradiction, then I am to understand it from its root.
I generalized my hatred for the wide spectrum of this attention– when it was clearly a falsehood, my hatred being for a particular strain of attention. But this alone does not answer the contradiction of my claim of being averse to attention.
In the end, I can only attribute it to my self-conscious tendencies and my lean towards introverted behaviour– a lean that led me to veer off my path, one that I must correct. I don’t like promoting my own writing– while I do want people to read it, its own virtues should be the reason that people read it.
Yet my writing is too closely linked to myself, so with this recognition– I can no longer deny that my position as author is also a virtue of my writing. WIth this change in perspective, changes are to be enacted– for this facet of mine and the greater collective it belongs to.
I will begin to promote my work in a more obvious fashion– as my dislike for this behaviour is outweighed by its utility and place in my future plans. As my upcoming project is one that requires attention, rather than it being a supplement.
In “About me”, I wrote that I plan on writing informative pieces– the first piece’s focus being the Military. I have already established the weight of my words in both “Bonds” and “Judgement”– so I am obligated to see to it until the very end.
If I am to make a claim– then it will not be an empty one. If I have made one in error– one beyond my capacity, then I will retract it. This concept is one that cannot be applied to any words of mine that are either unethical or illegal in nature– words that were said in jest, lacking actual intent.
Those words are superficial in nature– ones that I may utter with a single iota of conviction behind them, as my deeper sentiments are opposed to those words.
For this project of mine, I have already envisioned its goal– to become a centralized source of information for those interested in joining. However, this project is one that is more demanding,as the benefits of joining the Military are far more nuanced and comprehensive than I originally expected.
This added a layer of complexity to its formatting, eventually forcing me to spend several hours to realign everything. I have yet to escape the benefits section, the financial subsection perhaps being the most exhaustive subsection so far.
After I complete the benefits section, I plan on explaining the structure of the Military itself along with its ranks– especially in regards to Enlisted and Officers, as those are the two main pathways of the Military.
After I give the general specifics, then I will dive into the specifics of each branch– to give a detailed description of it and to write about the various ways to join it– I may elaborate more on pipelines for specific roles if I deem it as necessary.
That will mark the end of this first draft– one that has to be evaluated further to ensure that my words are accurate. I plan on doing this by getting actual Servicemen to read it and provide feedback on it. It’s a simple plan that should work– but there’s no need for me to explain that.
However, I also require feedback from a test audience– that audience being the people reading this sentence. After all, my target audience would be similar to my peers. But a recurring problem is I simply don’t know how to get them to voluntarily give feedback.
While their feedback may be somewhat important, I will not entice them– I am a pauper. While I may informally ask for feedback, I am unwilling to convince people further in writing– I’ll leave things to life. If it happens– it happens. If it doesn’t, then it’s perfectly fine.
Speaking of informal, I plan on writing a companion piece to this guide– as there’s some informal stuff that I want to mention that wouldn’t fit in the guide itself. After all, the guide is meant to be informative– meaning that there should be minimal bias, as it’s impossible to be completely unbiased.
As you may have noticed in this piece and my previous pieces, I have a habit of referencing my writing pieces– spinning a web. I plan on developing this further as it’d be rather novel for my writing to become its own microcosm. That is one of the underlying reasons why I seek to define these fundamental notions. It seems that I have a decent affinity for being a philosopher.
Now, before I complete this piece– there’s a single topic that is to be addressed in this piece.
Accountability– a concept that seems more prominent among the common people than those in positions of power. A dynamic that has now become crooked– but that is not the topic that I wish to ruminate over. It is our ability to recognize our mistakes, to apologize for them, and to rectify them – the individual notion of accountability.
While we’ve all committed mistakes over the years, I still have a moral debt– a debt that I’m afraid of never being able to repay. I cannot renege on this debt, yet I have no way to repay it– as I only remember the mistake itself, not its victims.
Even then, some of these debts are owed to myself– as the only victim of my mistakes is myself. It’s a pity how life only gives a single path for me to tread on– yet I can see the countless branches that sprouted at these crossroads, forever gone as the result of my choices. Perhaps the worst part of this lament is that I’ve only realized these crossroads long after I crossed them.
Each of these derivations contains regrets– as my actions are irreconcilable with the outcome that I desire. If anything, these regrets are ones that truly hurt– as I cannot renounce my acts nor retract them.
Even if I were to change a single choice, I shall return to this road of mine– as these paths are all derivatives of one path, so it would only be natural that they all lead back on this current road of mine.
This road of mines was built with my being as its foundation– my choices being its twists and turns. I cannot reject as it would be no different than rejecting myself– after all, I made these choices. It does not matter if I was aware of it or not– ultimately this responsibility itself lies with me.
These regrets that I have are lampposts in my path– beacons of my mistakes, signifying the path that I scorned with my own hands. They are flames imbued with the lessons that I have as a result of my choice, to be revisited over and over as entropy consumes me.
Blessed are those whose minds are too small to doubt– for doubt is the beginning of these regrets.
I cannot change the past, so I lament in its place– I lament for the countless futures that died as a result of my unknowing choices. Sigh, it seems that this particular part holds the deepest burden for me.
Author’s note:
My first draft of this was only 1.4k words. I decided to rewrite it entirely as it didn’t reflect my writing standards. From there it blossomed into its current state of 2,145+ words.
I find myself drunk again with sentimentality– yet there’s no cup for me to pour this bitter drink.
This was originally meant to be a bridge piece, but it became more than that. I named it “Trifecta” since it has three objectives that were tied into each other. The first was to deal with a contradiction– serving as an explanation for change.
The second being an update on a long term project. The third objective was originally an apology, but it has taken its own route– becoming a shrine dedicated to unrealized losses.
The first objective was tied into the second one, as this contradiction inhibited my plan for the Military guide– accelerating its resolution.
This is the first of many pieces that I will be publishing on my personal stories now– so get used to seeing them.
As always, congratulations for reaching the end of this piece. 09-Refinement of Hatred 22-Judgement 14-Lament 29-People